2/17 5:48pm

Everything whispers in your shadow

It’s all still there

But its too shallow to compare

All day you hum in my eyes

There’s no music fitting

But if I close my eyes

I’m dancing

Tears burn my skin

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1/22 9:53pm

I told myself

I’d paint instead

I told myself

I’d keep out of my head

I know rhyming is sometimes cheap and I really don’t care

 

I can’t help but give myself some sort of outlet

I’m trying a bunch of different things

My horoscope helps, keeps me on track

But really it’s probably wrong

And there are no stars to keep me aligned

I feel lost

2:28am

Obligations
Affiliations
Incarceration
Connotation
Bureaucracy and blurred red lines
Sharpness of indecency
I hate this need to fight authority
My stupid desire to break the rules
Has more power over me than I do
This strange contradiction
Fuels my conviction
And I’m faced over and over
The whisper of memories fade
Replaced by rage
I’m not angry

My neck keeps shaking
My Russian teachers always made me cry

I hated bending and twirling
As long as they were there
I knew only good and bad
No compromise

I’m so very clearly there
Pick and choose the parts that make sense
My family says it’s easier to digest
I’m not craving
The Buddha says
But his golden body glows
I’ll swipe green across canvas
And spend hours on circles and spirals and waves
Tiny little pencil marks
One thing out of place
Daylight balance, warm tone, cool
Wipe clean the rules

In a field where the human condition
Is the one and only true theme,
Why did I stick myself in a place
Where identity is destroyed
And smiles quickly employed
And evil ovals stare at me
Across the plastic tables
“Not excused, sorry but that doesn’t count, you’ll still have to pay”
Okay.